AwesomeNeighbor

Christlike Communications

2010-11-04T07:40:00.000-07:00

Heavenly Father has given us a priceless gift in our capacity to communicate with each other. Our communications are at the core of our relationships with others. If we are to return home safely to Heavenly Father, we must develop righteous relationships with His children here in mortality.

Our communications reflect in our countenance. Therefore, we must be careful not only what we communicate, but also how we do so. Souls can be strengthened or shattered by the message and the manner in which we communicate.
Accountability

We will be held accountable for all that we say. The Savior has warned “that every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment.” (Matt. 12:36.) This means that no communication shall be without consequence. This includes the slight slips of the tongue, the caustic communications that canker the soul, and the vain, vulgar, and profane words which desecrate the name of Deity.
Un-Christlike Communication

There are certain kinds of un-Christlike communications which destroy relationships and are not for our development but are for our destruction. They result in a diminished opportunity of returning home safely to Heavenly Father. One of the major ways that Satan uses to retard the development of righteous relationships is in the use of gossip, rumor, and slander on his communication network. Perhaps the more common un-Christlike communications are those of lying, blaming, criticizing, and anger.

1. Lying. The first of these communications is that of lying. To lie is to be untruthful, deceptive, deceitful, and dishonest. This is a basic communications problem which is not new; it goes back to the Garden of Eden.

Satan introduced the first recorded communications problem in the form of lying in his conversation with Eve. He asked recorded history’s first question: “Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?” (Gen. 3:1.)

Eve responded, “We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden:

“But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, … lest ye die.” (Gen. 3:2–3.)

Satan, in a spirit of deception and defiance, responded, “Ye shall not surely die.” (Gen. 3:4.) He distorted the truth, denied the word of God, and planted the seeds of doubt about the word of Deity. Thus, Satan became the father of lies, deception, and doubt.

It is a serious sin to lie. The scriptures teach us that “lying lips are abomination to the Lord” (Prov. 12:22) and that “he that lieth and will not repent shall be cast out” (D&C 42:21). They also teach us that to lie about a person is a form of hatred, for “a lying tongue hateth those that are afflicted by it.” (Prov. 26:28.) The Apostle Paul gave us counsel concerning this matter: “Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour.” (Eph. 4:25.)

Integrity is the core of our character. Without integrity we have a weak foundation upon which to build other Christlike characteristics.

2. Blaming. A second un-Christlike communication is that of blaming. This is a condemning communication. It is interesting that when the Lord confronted Adam in his fallen state, Adam began to place the blame on Eve for his actions. He said, “The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat.” (Gen. 3:12.) When Eve was confronted, she placed the blame on Satan. She said, “The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat.” (Gen. 3:13.)

It has been from the beginning and it will be till the end that the natural man will have a tendency to rationalize and to blame his behaviors on others or on certain circumstances. When we attempt to place responsibility for our choices on others, we are responding in a less than Christlike manner. Blaming is an unrighteous form of communication.

3. Criticizing. A third un-Christlike communication is that of criticizing. Positive criticism is feedback given with the purpose of helping another person to grow and to develop. This is both helpful and needful and is generally accepted and appreciated.

Negative criticism is intended to hurt and often to defame and to destroy. This caustic communication is cruel, and it tends to crush the character of all of those about whom it is directed. King Benjamin urged his people to “not have a mind to injure one another, but to live peaceably.” (Mosiah 4:13.) We should surely follow this counsel and defend those who are defamed by these denouncements.

4. Anger. A fourth is anger. This is perhaps the most common form of un-Christlike communication. Anger causes anguish to the souls of all of those who experience the feeling as well as to those who are the recipients of this emotional explosion.

Anger shows a lack of self-control and an inability to relate in a righteous way to others. It is a senseless substitute for self-control. It is sometimes used as a selfish strategy to gain control of a relationship. President Wilford Woodruff counseled that “the moment a man or a woman becomes angry they show a great weakness.” (In Journal of Discourses, 4:98.)

We are instructed to “let all bitterness, … and anger, … and evil speaking, be put away.” (Eph. 4:31.) The implication is clear: we have the capacity to control this carnal communication.
Counsel

Much counsel has been given concerning our communications with others. The counsel given by the Apostle Paul to the Ephesian Saints seems to be most appropriate for the Latter-day Saints. He cautioned, “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good.” (Eph. 4:29.) He further counseled to be “kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” (Eph. 4:32.)
Christlike Communications

May we be found communicating with each other in a manner in which the Savior would communicate. Christlike communications are expressed in tones of love rather than loudness. They are intended to be helpful rather than hurtful. They tend to bind us together rather than to drive us apart. They tend to build rather than to belittle.

Christlike communications are expressions of affection and not anger, truth and not fabrication, compassion and not contention, respect and not ridicule, counsel and not criticism, correction and not condemnation. They are spoken with clarity and not with confusion. They may be tender or they may be tough, but they must always be tempered.

The real challenge that we face in our communications with others is to condition our hearts to have Christlike feelings for all of Heavenly Father’s children. When we develop this concern for the condition of others, we then will communicate with them as the Savior would. We will then warm the hearts of those who may be suffering in silence. As we meet people with special needs along life’s way, we can then make their journey brighter by the things that we say.

Christlike communications will help us to develop righteous relationships and ultimately to return to our heavenly home safely. May we treasure the divine gift of communication, and may we use it wisely to build and to assist others on this marvelous journey through mortality. May Heavenly Father bless us to this end, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
L. Lionel Kendrick, “Christlike Communications,” Ensign, Nov 1988, 23
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Forgiveness: My Burden Was Made Light

2010-08-05T17:03:00.001-07:00

Gossip and Karma

2010-05-29T08:34:00.000-07:00

When you pass on a piece of juicy gossip, what happens? Your friend's reciprocity reflex kicks in and she feels a slight pressure to return the favor. If she knows something about the person or event in question, she is likely to speak up: "Oh really? Well, I heard that he ..."

Gossip is overwhelmingly critical, and it is primarily about the moral and social violations of others.

When people pass along high-quality (juicy) gossip, they feel more powerful, they have a better shared sense of what is right and what's wrong, and they feel more closely connected to their gossip partners.

Gossip paired with reciprocity allow karma to work here on earth, not in the next life.

Scandal is great entertainment because it allows people to feel contempt, a moral emotion that gives feelings of moral superiority while asking nothing in return. With contempt you don't need to right the wrong (as with anger) or flee the scene (as with fear or disgust). And best of all, contempt is made to share. Stories about the moral failings of others are among the most common kinds of gossip.

The great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearances, as though they were realities, and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are.

"So convenient a thing is it to be a reasonable creature, since it enables one to find or make a reason for every thing one has a mind to do." - Benjamin Franklin

People who hold pervasive positive illusions about themselves, their abilities, and their future prospects are mentally healthier, happier, and better liked than people who lack such illusions.

Awesome Neighbor story from Phil Speed in St. George

2010-03-07T17:05:00.000-08:00

Let me tell you about the awesome neighbor I had in Michigan. He and I both traveled frequently on business, and we would look after each others home, property and family while away. It seemed like whenever something would go wrong at my house, it would be when I was away--and his place the same. On one trip of mine, our water heater failed and began leaking water. The neighbor saw the water coming from under the garage door and immediately came over and arranged to have it replaced. By the time I got home, it was all taken care of. Light bulbs burning out, smoke detector batteries failing, toilet clogs, water softener jams--they all seemed to happen when I was away. My awesome neighbor was there every time, calming my wife and family and remedying the difficulty--whatever it was.
An opportunity arose to repay his many favors when this neighbor was out of the state vacationing with his family. We'd had some very heavy rains, and some parts of the county were flooding--so I thought I'd better check his basement. Sure enough, about 4 inches of water had come in from overly saturated drain tiles. I telephoned him to give him the bad news, and then set to work. Soon a crew of six other neighbors was recruited and we were able to get all the furniture and possessions upstairs and out of harm's way. We then routed out the clogged drain tile, pumped out the water, ripped up the wall-to-wall carpet and set it up on crates so it could dry--which it had done by the time he returned with his family. He simply had the carpet reinstalled and cleaned, and it looked fine. Had we not been there, nearly everything in his basement would have been ruined by the time he returned. It certainly pays to have . . . . and be . . . an awesome neighbor.
Read about the awesome community and people of St George, Utah at www.ownstgeorge.com.

“Master, which is the great commandment of the law?”

2009-01-15T07:54:00.000-08:00

The Lord’s answer was: “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.

“This is the first and great commandment.

“And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

“On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets” (Matt. 22:36–40).

Thus our obedience to the commandment not to bear false witness should be rooted in both our love of God and our love of our fellowmen. But the violation of the ninth commandment is among the most common of sins. Elder Adam S. Bennion of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles wrote:

“Murder, adultery, and stealing, dealing respectively with life, virtue, and property, are generally considered more serious offenses before the law than the bearing of false witness. And yet, what the latter may lack in severity, it more than makes up for in prevalence” (“The Ninth Commandment,” in The Ten Commandments Today, Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1955, p. 134).

Whereas murder involves the taking of human life, bearing false witness involves the destruction of character and reputation. To do so maliciously is the sin of calumny, or character assassination, described in Shakespeare’s Othello:

Who steals my purse steals trash; ’tis something, nothing;
’Twas mine, ’tis his, and has been slave to thousands;
But he that filches from me my good name
Robs me of that which not enriches him
And makes me poor indeed.
(Act 3, sc. 3, lines 157–61)